Disney-Cember: A Top 32 Countdown of...

[nopersonality]

#18...


Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

Is it safe to say that Snow White is the most famous and important Disney film ever made? Maybe. But, let's take a moment here and think about all the years of classic Disney animation and everything the films have provided us with. Of the really good stuff... how much came from Snow White? For example- the characters. Do you remember anything about Snow White, the heroine? Or the chivalric Prince who both saves her from the witch-Queen's evil spell and answers her cosmic wish call? How about that nasty Queen? Remember anything about her, other than the fact that she turns into an old, creepy looking lady? Or the Dwarfs? Sure, people have all played the name game to remember their 7 "names" (more like nicknames). But, did they really have fleshed out personalities to go with their namesake characteristics? Did anyone have any character here? Yes: the old hag. Other than that, one of the Dwarfs sort of had some character. And sadly, he's only likable when he's being negative. Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a story about vegetables who can talk and the ice cold bitch who transforms (very much like Cinderella - how's that for irony? - only with a poisoned apple rather than a magic pumpkin) into a creepy old hag who finally knows how to have fun. In a way, this translates into the story Anjelica Huston tells the crying pre-school children in Paramount's 1991 feature Addams Family adapatation. Where you might actually want the "bad guy" to win because they're the only thing interesting about the movie. Except for the animation- which is stunning. As for the music (because that's what people are more likely to remember about the movie- "Whistle While You Work" and "Heigh Ho" being the only truly famous songs), if there's anything more outrageously dated than the dialogue (Grumpy's "womanly wiles" speech is ridiculous in spite of the fact that the sentiment lived on decades later), this is it. Yeah, we really needed that queen. And her "faithful" huntsman. And her hag alter ego. And those spine-chilling vultures who follow her around. Because without her, we'd have a great music score and some gorgeous animation but very little else. The good characters seem to exist solely because of the evil ones. Furthermore, Snow White as a character isn't just bland (like her Prince and Dwarf friends). She's a complete idiot! Not only does she let a stranger in the house, directly against the advice of Doc, Bashful, and Grumpy, she takes the poisoned apple from a creepy old lady (and look at the way she has Snow White backed up against the wall and trembling- yeah, that's someone you should trust, honey). One of Disney's worst story scenes is easily the one where the Dwarfs leave for the mine in the morning and tell a dollfaced Snow White that the Queen has magic to disguise herself. Meanwhile, she just smiles at them like a complete idiot and waves goodbye. These are full-grown men (who care a lot about her) and she frequently talks to them like children. I mean, forget what full grown men (of any size) have running through the back of their heads. At the very least, she's being extremely disrespectful. Anyway, the movie rides this high on the list because - even though it's mostly forgettable - it deserves high marks for animation quality and music (though mostly again for music that doesn't have singing in it).


The movie's best scene:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2zrs7Irzuw

One of Disney's best, most creepy, and yet beautiful pieces of mood-setting music:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-XOOjaDd7U

The above and the first 50 seconds of this are by far some of my favorite Disney music EVER:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGQVS8qxf2Q

Some of that Evil Queen Magic:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=N14Ho-VVPgA

[nopersonality]

#17...


101 Dalmatians (1961)

There's no getting around it, 101 Dalmatians is largely a boring movie. Disney were hurting financially as a studio, coming off of losing money on Sleeping Beauty, and though Walt was already well into the process of pulling his personal involvement with feature production- he couldn't accept failure. Especially since Sleeping was intended to restore the epic glory of the princess films after 3 semi-successful but still lackluster productions (Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and Lady and the Tramp- the latter 2 I agree with). Today's Disney considers Lady and the Tramp to easily be the most beloved and successful of the films to follow Cinderella and maybe the Disney of 1959 & '60 did as well. So, following that formula, they decided to make another modern animal film with a better villain and higher stakes. And that's precisely why Dalmatians finds itself this high on the countdown. Because even though it's not everything it should have been, it's certainly everything Lady should have been. In addition to a better villain and higher stakes, the film also has more dynamic characters. At least in the form of Roger and Anita- the humans. The animals... well, you remember how many animal films comprised the back end of the countdown. It's Disney, so they get to speak and try to earn our sympathy through cuteness and a little strife (though here, in small doses, the animals are shown having to trek through extreme outdoor conditions to complete their journey). But they're still animals, so there's a lot of breeding and more old-fashioned cliches than if they were humans. And... if there are any non-hetero relationships, they're between villains (not that I'm saying there's anything between our two male goons here- I'll save those allegations for Robin Hood). So, forget the dog characters. They're fairly piss poor, all around. The downright sophisticated dialogue really shines for all the human characters though, including henchmen Horace and Jasper. The only animal characters you may actually take a liking to are a shaggy Colonel dog and a scruffy Sergeant cat. Other than the dogs, the music is the weakest element here. Though even then, the score's not half bad. And it goes without saying that "Cruella DeVil" is one of Disney's best villain songs (though, shockingly, here's one area Lady can claim superiority: "The Siamese Cat Song"). Cruella DeVil as a villain... she's definitely one of the top most remembered (thanks to her royal psycho hissy fit in the finale complete with allegorical flames coming out of her face). But not in my top 5. However, it all doesn't even out. (Which is good because an even scale for a Disney film is only average.) Though Disney were finding ways to cheapen the animation (and this only really hurts the films post-Jungle Book), the animation here is not only stunning, it's breath-taking. The 2008 Platinum Edition DVD transfer is a thing of beauty and I never before noticed how freaking good the movie looks. Though a lot of it is boring, it's better than some people (who likely found it as entirely boring as I used to) make it out.


"Cruella DeVil" - song (both parts) and the character's entrance:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEc0woB3piM

I tried to find more videos but I'm coming up dry here. All the trailers have awful logos and website print on them, there's nothing from the parks, and the classic TV segment of Walt talking about the movie is from a movie theater somewhere taken by someone in an audience and people standing in front of the screen. And the audio sucks.

[nopersonality]

#16...


The Three Caballeros (1945)

Okay... I admit it's a fact that Donald Duck can get on a person's nerves after awhile. Putting him in 75-minute form might not have been the best idea. But, perhaps knowing that, Disney and his team of incredibly skilled animators, worked through and around him. And, to date, Three Caballeros remains one of Disney's most heady, magically cheesy, and underrated films of all time. And this is speaking from a strictly, well- mostly, non-nostalgic point of view. To love Disney at all is a matter of nostalgia. But I didn't grow up with this film. I was actually growing up, getting into video games and low budget horror films like any other tweenager of my own era (well, actually I think low budget horror might have been becoming passe- so just rewind the clock back 3 or more years). I walked into the rental store and found myself in the mood for Disney. I rented this movie, was too old to make any excuses for it's insane cheesiness, and I literally had a blast from beginning to... where the narrative gets completely lost in Dumbo / Fantasia territory. I probably checked out by that point. But today, I'm more fond than ever of the moments where the film drives into crazy town and only looks back to wave. Three Caballeros is both a feature-length cartoon story about Donald Duck's Birthday celebration and an educational short padded to feature length with shorter cartoons packaged into it. This makes it the single most unconventional feature of the 40's. The individual stories - featuring a penguin who wants to live on a tropical island (cuter than the whale who wanted to sing at the Met) and a little Latino boy who wants to win a big sack of money - are cute and quaint (respectively). But the real fun of the movie is Donald learning about different cultures. I have no idea how on-the-nose Disney are about Latin America or their customs. But even if we're like bloated, irritating American tourists (no matter how the kids in the room react, they're nowhere near as embarrassing as Donald)- I'm in awe of what Disney were doing here with animation. A scene with a Mary Blair train is like crack and musical montages to gorgeous, lush, blazingly ambient colors and animation are so picturesque- it's like your eyes are pigging out on chocolate cake! Furthermore, it has a fun-ass wicked streak. The humor is pitched just right in scenes where Donald and his friend Jose are willing to kill their pal Panchito just to shut him up, again that penguin sequence is cute as hell, and... there are no words to describe the Aracuan. He may be the coolest character in Disney history. On the flawed side, Donald makes a royal fool out of himself countless times. Oh, and... why is he so damned horny? Every time a woman appears onscreen (who isn't 15 or younger), he goes insane. Just... what exactly did he think he was going to do with them? Play kissyface?


The ultra-awesome Aracuan:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zchYN9ZSnqw

The GORGEOUS "Baia" sequence:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O7eu7XxNBs

The train scene:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmy4GUvqcgw

Yet ANOTHER ultra-awesome sequence, this one's called "Jesusita" and features the dancing cactus:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OukPFCqdhw

A little weird, but... nobody seems to have "You Belong to My Heart" the song without the movie dialogue in it ... well, I do. Maybe I'll upload it. As a gift for the end.

[nopersonality]

#15...


Cinderella (1950)

I think the most pressing question when we get to this point is: how is Cinderella really superior to Snow White? In one way, it certainly isn't: the filler. I never thought I would pine for the days of "Bluddle Uddle Um Dum." But, somehow, during this film's scenes of the mice trying to outwit the fat cat, Lucifer, I kinda do. Compared to the grand Snow White, too many scenes in Cinderella feel like a lazy Sunday. The character is a slave girl on a chateau farm locale and, somehow, that simply pales in comparison to Snow White's multiple residences. The outside looks like a barn and the inside looks like a castle. You figure it out. The film's trek up a bell tower to Cinderella's sleeping quarters, however, is okay. The mice as characters... they get a bit of flack here and there. Most of it deserved. Except in the case of Jacques, the cool one in red. The Aladdin or Robin Hood of this movie. The rest, including if not especially the women, are just annoying to no end. And don't get me started on the King. It almost makes the film's inevitable romance feel like a trap. "AH! We've got them now." From one form of slavery to another. In fact, the concept of this story is just plain horrifying. But... there's no denying that Disney know how to make it look good. Cinderella as a heroine is without question a smarter, tougher, and all around brassier chick than Snow White. Making her one of Disney's most underrated Princesses. Even if her dashing, handsome Prince is so bland that you have to assume the buildup to his appearance is hiding a gay undercurrent (which would explain an awful lot). But again, if the movie is a trap, it's an effective one. Sporting some of Disney's best animation... perhaps ever. Mary Blair backgrounds and colors go wild. And who could ever get enough of Eleanor Audley's villainness-ry? Lady Tremaine's cruelty is a little more pointed than Sleeping Beauty's Maleficent even if she's nowhere near as scary or biblically inexplicable. And the songs are truly excellent, uniformly. Even both parts of the mice's "Working Song." One of my favorite Disney scenes, in fact, is the reprise that leads up to the dissolve into night. When the mice are pushing to get done with making the dress before Cinderella comes back. The movie may lack genuine romance but there's no loss whatsoever for romantic ideas. Which register as epic even as chase scenes (when Cinderella loses her glass slipper on the castle steps) and Hitchcockian suspense (the mice getting the key up the stairs). The payoff may be hollow but the buildup is grand in every regard. Great songs and great animation triumph. But that is the classic formula.


One of Disney's bitchiest scenes:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6SdCDpvTnw

The movie's famous "So This is Love" sequence, and the movie's best animation (WOW to these backgrounds):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=byPjh6unMOM

One of Disney's most underrated songs:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F5qgEBHAVM

Goddamn that there aren't better / more videos from these movies on YouTube! Oh, well.

[nopersonality]

#13 & 14...


Aladdin (1992)

&


Pocahontas (1995)

There isn't much I can say about contemporary (post-1981) Disney except they had no clue what they were doing in the 80's until The Little Mermaid. And as for the 90's, the template they reused again and again was pretty weak. So, some films tried to make the best of it and succeeded while almost all failed. For different reasons, Aladdin and Pocahontas are the best among those which succeeded. Aladdin because, though it has horrendously overrated songs, there is an amazing pinnacle of Disney excitement to be found here (even more than in The Little Mermaid), thanks to computer enhanced thrill ride scenes on the magic carpet and the film's desert scorched finale and some of Disney's most intoxicating colors. The film is like a dream (only, again, with terrible music... well, "Friend Like Me" isn't so bad). And Pocahontas mainly because, even though the only compelling characters are her, her would-be love interest (whom she rescues less out of love and more out of justice), and the talking tree, it's a truly powerful film about intolerance (at least it is through the eyes of this gay man) and standing up for what you believe in. Aladdin has the flash and Pocahontas has the substance. Though some people care that it isn't historically accurate, they truly weren't paying attention to the character's struggle with identity. She, like a superhero, is filled with integrity, courage, and a sense of honor and pride that is all tied in with nature. She's a remarkably likable and strong character for Disney considering how many of their women need someone else to rescue them. Though Pocahontas is boring in quite a few spots - thanks to the many male dominated scenes of dragging the white man's plot off the ground - it has animation every bit as arresting as The Lion King's or Little Mermaid's and stronger music than all the post Little Mermaid features. As for Aladdin's characters, none have more purpose than Pocahontas the (semi-official) Princess, but they're certainly more fun and memorable. Robin Williams' Genie gets really obnoxious from time to time. But the movie knows how to even him out by explaining that if he were free from the lamp- he would go annoy lots of other people. Jasmine is brassy but lacks involvement as a post-Ariel half-feminist. Jafar is campy but kind of a weak villain. Iago is the most fun you'll have with Gilbert Gottfried, which is saying something. And, except for the musical sequences, and the rush to an over-the-top climax, the movie has a surprisingly complex and sophisticated plot. All things considered, these movies are kinda tied.


Aladdin trailer:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRZYofwA78w

the underrated "Colors of the Wind":
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkV-of_eN2w

It's not complete (they should have left the whole dialogue scene in), but here's one of the most emotionally powerful Disney scenes ever - Pocahontas realizing she needs to risk her own life to stop the war (she's not just risking her life for a man, she's laying her own body down to stop anyone else from being killed):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2av9SQsMIi8

[nopersonality]

#12...


Robin Hood (1973)

I know what you're thinking... I'm insane. Historically, Disney's Robin Hood has enjoyed little success and only marginally more fanlove. But, I literally can find fewer flaws with it than with a great many of the allegedly perfect canon classics such as Snow White, Lady and the Tramp, Beauty and the Beast, and The Lion King. Of the film's few flaws, the biggest one is that it's too long. This is the result of some strange padding. For example... why exactly did the film decide we needed children characters? Immediately these scenes begin to suffer from Aristocats syndrome. Apparently, they didn't have enough to do with Robin Hood so, the kids are used to introduce us to love interest Maid Marian. But the kids' personalities range from annoying little boy who hates girls and "sissy stuff," the annoying sister who teases him (though to be fair, she's less annoying than Aristocats' Marie), the kinda annoying baby, and the 'fraidy-cat who... need not be there. At all. Apart from that, the film has - among other things - fun songs (including the insanely catchy "Whistle Stop" - good luck getting that out of your head), heroes you like, good side characters, and top notch villains. Well, when I say that, what I mean is that they're entertaining. As a matter of fact, more so than the obvious comparison pair: Peter Pan's Captain Hook and Mr. Smee. They're also more threatening too. Even though this huggable lion version of Prince John is a spoiled brat, he has a palpable wrath to him and a snarling, sharp-toothed edge that makes his evil deeds (which bring about considerable sadness and suffering from the people of the story's peasant village) resonate beyond his whiny hissy fits (this is undebatably a gay character). His character is anger (in all its' stages) personified, while his top henchman, Sir Hiss (less of a Kaa clone that you might have expected), is the brains of the operation. And yet, there's another villain who never gets any credit- the villain of the people, the Sheriff. A soulless creep who oozes sleaze and tries to kill people with his deceptively kindly front. As for the other characters, Lady Cluck is a feisty sidekick (to Marian) who doesn't get much screentime but is much more tough and physical than almost any female character you're likely to see this side of Disney. Marian is technically a Princess but more importantly, she's one of the most likable of Disney's heroines. What is important is that, even though there isn't much to the animation, the story is loaded. With good drama, high quality humor, fun, and characters you care about.


"Oo De Lally":
www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9aNxs66i_c

One of the best Prince John & Sir Hiss moments:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwHg0NU-PgU

One of Disney's most underrated songs:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_HkHtimbik

GO, Lady Cluck, GO!!:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt4gorDJcXA

the Fortune Teller scene:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lToA3mgBSoo