Good Boy!

[StevePulaski]

Good Boy! (2003)
Directed by: John Hoffman

Rating: ★

Good Boy! is an insulting, abysmal little film, providing one with the substantial food-for-thought of a knock-knock joke and the contemplative drama of a juice-box riddle. It tells the childish and dreadful story of Owen Baker (Liam Aiken), a twelve-year-old boy who serves as the neighborhood dog-walker so he can prove to his parents he's responsible enough to own a dog of his own.

When he finally proves he's responsible enough, dear little Owen asks his dim-witted parents to take him to the pound so that he can pick out the dog of his choice. He settles on a little terrier he saw while walking dogs, who comes bearing what appears to be a moon-rock around his collar. He names him Hubble, but it isn't long before he realizes that Hubble is much smarter than he had thought. Upon training him, seeing that Hubble can perform several tricks flawlessly, he realizes that Hubble (voiced by Matthew Broderick) can talk like a real human. Hubble's real name is "Canid 3942," and informs Owen that dogs were sent to Earth hundreds of years ago in order to dominate and enslave the human race. Turns out, dogs became the humans' pets rather than the other way around.

Hubble's prime responsibility, being sent from the higher dog-authority "Greater Dane" (Vanessa Redgrave), who resides on a planet called "Dog Star Sirius 7," was to make sure that dogs are fulfilling their responsibility and are in control. Turns out, they've failed miserably, and after receiving this knowledge, Hubble informs them that Earth is on the verge of a massive recall back to Sirius 7.

There are films like Shiloh that help enforce the idea that humans shape dogs but dogs shape humans in addition, and shows the great lengths a boy will go to protect and ensure the safety of his pet. Then there are films like Good Boy! that cheapen this kind of important and significant relationship like a poor sitcom. This is simply an asinine film with a barrage of weak jokes, inane ideas about even the very possibility that dogs are trying to take over Earth, and an woefully unsubstantial affair for young kids who need to be informed of the benefits of a relationship with an animal.

Those who defend Good Boy! can make the easy, go-to argument that the film is "cute" and possesses a family-friendly attitude that should be embraced. All I can say that if everything "cute" was embraced and safe from any type of criticism whatsoever, we'd have the frothiest, most artificial society that would've never had any such thing as a Disney or a Pixar to show us that narrative strength and themes are also components of family-friendly entertainment.

Starring: Liam Aiken, Kevin Nealon, and Molly Shannon. Voiced by: Matthew Broderick, Delta Burke, Donald Faison, Brittany Murphy, and Carl Reiner. Directed by: John Hoffman.