Flesh Gordon

[StevePulaski]

Flesh Gordon (1974)
Directed by: Michael Benveniste and Howard Ziehm

Rating: ★★½

Though I loathe this saying, as it's often largely unfounded and nostalgic, Flesh Gordon is precisely the kind of film that could never be made today, particularly with the conviction and the straight-faced persona that it was made with in 1974. Flesh Gordon is a softcore parody of action serials that populated radios and Televisions in the 1950's, particularly Flash Gordon and complete with all the genre's tropes: silly dialog, cliffhangers, cheesy costumes, ridiculous narration, asinine circumstances, and outlandish characters. Throw in gratuitous nudity, an occasional sex-scene, and some utterly banal dialog, and you have one of the strangest parodies of the 1970's and one of porn's most curious oddities.

My level of prose will hereby be temporarily lessened as I try to thoughtfully articulate the plot of said film. It all begins with a Professor Gordon (John Hoyt), who discovers that the Earth is being manipulated by "sex rays," which turn people into horndogs. When one of these sex rays winds up striking a plane, carrying Flesh Gordon (Jason Williams) and Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields), the plane turns into a massive orgy, with Flesh and Dale barely escaping the imminent crash. The two land near the workstation of Dr. Flexi Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins), who is working to try and defeat the sex rays, which are powered by the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted (William Dennis Hunt) and his army of "Penisauruses." Flesh, Dale, and Dr. Jerkoff and his "assholiness" must find a way to stop Emperor Wang while combatting the forces of the manipulating sex rays.

This is precisely the kind of film where intense critical analysis and discussion fails it. The more you think about Flesh Gordon and its preposterous title, plot, and existence, the less infatuated with the idea you'll become. It just about defies every cinematic convention and notion you've come to expect, not expect, and not even dream up just by its existence. It's the very definition of an oddity, and the fact that it belongs to one of the most controversial and divisive periods in American cinema's history only makes it that much more of a treasure.

The strange part is that Flesh Gordon, however, doesn't always wind up being funny or erotic, rendering its purpose questionable. The sex scenes are sometimes drearily tame (rumors of footage being seized are scattered all over the internet, making me question whether or not this film was supposed to be racier or not) and the humor is sometimes absent for long stretches of the film. The inconsistencies bog down the film from being some true work of parody genius largely because it can hold its identity for too long without changing course.

Nonetheless, this is a film that, again, defies a lot of conventional critical analysis, like most parody films. It's a film that works as little else than a fun deviation from the expected, and if you're a fan of Flash Gordon, and still not crippled by the desire for righteousness and moralism in what you watch, Flesh Gordon is a pleasant stroll through the kind of film that couldn't be made anymore without incessant giggling under the breathes of screenwriter's.

Starring: Jason Williams, Suzanne Fields, Joseph Hudgins, William Dennis Hunt, Candy Samples, Mycle Brandy, and John Hoyt. Directed by: Michael Benveniste and Howard Ziehm.