Busty Cops

[StevePulaski]

Busty Cops (2004)
Directed by: Jim Wynorski

Rating: ★★★

I have fond memories of Busty Cops from when I was about eight or nine years old. Whenever my buddy would come over for a sleepover, we'd (im)patiently wait for my parents to go to sleep, and then around 10:30pm, would flip the TV to Cinemax "After Dark." After about 10pm or so, the network would air pornographic movies or TV shows, all of which so softcore that you'd be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of any genitalia. We didn't care, though. We were unfamiliar with the depths of internet pornography and it was amazing, if juvenile, to see pictures from our father's magazines come to life on-screen.

Even as I revisited Busty Cops, eleven years later, having seen a lot more graphic and explicit pornography in my day, I must admit, that same wave of arousal and excitement washed over me once again. Part of it was undeniable nostalgia, but another part of it was the performers keep us entertained throughout the course of the film. While I've always appreciated the soft and hardcore pornographic films that feature a plot and some characters, Busty Cops is pleasantly consistent in its abundance of lesbian sex and elegantly shot sequences of romance that make for seventy-three minutes - or segmented two or three minutes while you keep checking to make sure you didn't hear a noise come from your parents' bedroom upstairs - of fun.

The film opens with two actresses and an actor enjoying a sultry hot tub experience when an unknown perpetrator sneaks in and throws a curling iron into the hot tub, electrocuting and killing all three performers. Now, the local police force is looking for a trio of buxom women for their "Busty Cops" unit and hire Maxie (Nikki Nova), Ashley (Angela Little), and Chloe (Jesse Jane) to become certified officers under the guidance of
Captain Dick Stanwick (William Jacobson). The prime suspect of the case is a scuzzy porn director named Roman Fields (played by himself) and the three newly appointed officers are tasked with trying to get him to crack or find the person who killed the three performers.

Being a Busty Cop must be sexually exhausting from the looks of it, seeing as how Maxie, Ashley, and Chloe have sex far more often than they interrogate any potential suspects or witnesses. This isn't a bother, however, as the sex scenes are generally lively and arousing, particularly one scene where chocolate syrup and whipped cream play a nice supporting cast to the three beautiful women.

Nova, Little, and Jane are all fun and cheery screen presences and William McRoy gifts them with a lot of dopey one-liners that aren't at their expense as much as they are simply to capitalize on the inanity of the idea at hand. For example, when Captain Stanwick is interviewing the girls for their respective positions, he asks Chloe whether or not she ever has gas. She affirms that she does and when asked what she does about it, she smiles and replies, "put it in my car."

The film was directed by Jim Wynorski, a master at softcore classics and low-budget horror. While many directors use his formula as a stepping stone or a foundation to branch out to "bigger, better things" in the film industry, Wynorski has predicated his entire filmography and life around what that same formula. He has gone on to show an unmatched appreciation for breasts, beasts, action, and spectacle, none of it in a hardcore pornographic way but one that can be artful and harmless while being consistently entertaining. Busty Cops is one of the few softcore films I can truly appreciate as a film itself; it has the right amount of comedy mixed in with enough nudity and arousing sequences to warrant entertainment on almost all fronts.

Starring: Nikki Nova, Angela Little, Jesse Jane, and William Jacobson. Directed by: Jim Wynorski.