Post by StevePulaski on Jun 15, 2012 21:54:44 GMT -5
Thought I'd tell you guys about this hilarious televangelist I encountered on TV with Mike a few days ago. So, I was watching the religious networks and prank calling them as usual. Mike and I need to find things to do to pass the time, and that's what we think is hilarious. So I find a number for Peter Popoff's magical spring water. It's free and all you need to give them is your address. So, what do I do? Call in, ask for my spring water, and give them my address.
As an Atheist, I find this nothing but funny. A few weeks later I get a huge envelope in the mail from none other than Peter Popoff. It's this six page expository letter (with underlines and notes made in the margin to look as if he edited it himself, when really, it's shamelessly computer). I thought I'd quote some of it for you. Apparently it's for some "debt relief" program (typing the whole thing would be an act of masochism on my part). He called me "Brother Pulaski!" I love it.
"Steven, as I prayed this evening, God said, "The world is drunk on debt. Many of my people are going under in these uncertain times. They need the miracle I gave a widow through my prophet. The creditors had come to take all she had but I sent my prophet of increase. She received his word, sold the miracle oil, and cancelled her debt." Steven, as I prayed over your needs God showed me this ugly spirit of debt. Through this prophetic leading, we must erase your debt."
"Make no mistake about it: the miracle of cancelled debts is taught in God's word. The widow woman in II Kings 4:1-7 is not the only one on whom God poured out this power of debt cancellation. Steve, I want you to understand this; no man can heal anyone and no man can release you from debt."
"In order to qualify for the erasure of your debt, move quickly, obey God in this move, put God first in your living and giving, get ready to move up to higher ground. Steve, here is what you MUST[/u] do...
1. Leave the enclosed envelope sealed (I got this small sealed envelope that said "Don't open or your blessing will be cursed" with a picture of Jesus on it. I opened it and a little rubber thing of Jesus with a quote saying "The jar of oil has not run out yet" fell out. No idea what that is).
2. Take the envelope and place it on top of your bills and checkbook.
3. On the line marked amount of money you need, add up all your debts and total them.
4. Leave the small envelope on your bills and checkbook tonight only.
5. In the morning, get the small envelope back to me, along with the enclosed prayer slip.
6. Honor God with your first fruits so that he can move you up to higher ground."
There's a few more steps but they are unimportant. Now here's the best part...
"Wait... God just spoke to me again and said you must desire more so you can help yourself and others more.
In Jesus' name, as God's servant of increase, I feel led to ask you to sow a seed of $20. This is the seed God will use to break loose your harvest. Now, listen, if there is no way you can send that amount now, send $12 and let me know you'll send the rest as God provides."
My favorite line; "Don't come before God empty handed... Steven, I feel so strongly about this sacrifice of $20 but if your best is $12 do that. This is what will release this power to erase your debt.
Love, Rev. Peter Popoff.
Your man of God."
That was a mouthful, let me sum it up. This criminal false-prophet wants to erase my debt, no matter how much, using some ludicrous powers of the lord and savior, only if I send him $12 or $20. This makes me sick. The fact that this man preys on the already poor for money for false salvation is criminal, degrading, and utterly revolting. I didn't even get my damn miracle water (which probably comes from his sink or toilet).
Want more details? Watch this news clip.
As an Atheist, I find this nothing but funny. A few weeks later I get a huge envelope in the mail from none other than Peter Popoff. It's this six page expository letter (with underlines and notes made in the margin to look as if he edited it himself, when really, it's shamelessly computer). I thought I'd quote some of it for you. Apparently it's for some "debt relief" program (typing the whole thing would be an act of masochism on my part). He called me "Brother Pulaski!" I love it.
"Steven, as I prayed this evening, God said, "The world is drunk on debt. Many of my people are going under in these uncertain times. They need the miracle I gave a widow through my prophet. The creditors had come to take all she had but I sent my prophet of increase. She received his word, sold the miracle oil, and cancelled her debt." Steven, as I prayed over your needs God showed me this ugly spirit of debt. Through this prophetic leading, we must erase your debt."
"Make no mistake about it: the miracle of cancelled debts is taught in God's word. The widow woman in II Kings 4:1-7 is not the only one on whom God poured out this power of debt cancellation. Steve, I want you to understand this; no man can heal anyone and no man can release you from debt."
"In order to qualify for the erasure of your debt, move quickly, obey God in this move, put God first in your living and giving, get ready to move up to higher ground. Steve, here is what you MUST[/u] do...
1. Leave the enclosed envelope sealed (I got this small sealed envelope that said "Don't open or your blessing will be cursed" with a picture of Jesus on it. I opened it and a little rubber thing of Jesus with a quote saying "The jar of oil has not run out yet" fell out. No idea what that is).
2. Take the envelope and place it on top of your bills and checkbook.
3. On the line marked amount of money you need, add up all your debts and total them.
4. Leave the small envelope on your bills and checkbook tonight only.
5. In the morning, get the small envelope back to me, along with the enclosed prayer slip.
6. Honor God with your first fruits so that he can move you up to higher ground."
There's a few more steps but they are unimportant. Now here's the best part...
"Wait... God just spoke to me again and said you must desire more so you can help yourself and others more.
In Jesus' name, as God's servant of increase, I feel led to ask you to sow a seed of $20. This is the seed God will use to break loose your harvest. Now, listen, if there is no way you can send that amount now, send $12 and let me know you'll send the rest as God provides."
My favorite line; "Don't come before God empty handed... Steven, I feel so strongly about this sacrifice of $20 but if your best is $12 do that. This is what will release this power to erase your debt.
Love, Rev. Peter Popoff.
Your man of God."
That was a mouthful, let me sum it up. This criminal false-prophet wants to erase my debt, no matter how much, using some ludicrous powers of the lord and savior, only if I send him $12 or $20. This makes me sick. The fact that this man preys on the already poor for money for false salvation is criminal, degrading, and utterly revolting. I didn't even get my damn miracle water (which probably comes from his sink or toilet).
Want more details? Watch this news clip.
