The Late Bloomer

[StevePulaski]

The Late Bloomer (2016)
Directed by: Kevin Pollak

Dr. Peter Newmans sullenly pokes the breast of a woman in The Late Bloomer.

Rating: ★★

The Late Bloomer starts by vulgarly proclaiming its story of a sex therapist's stunted pubescent development to be true and further research more-or-less checks out. A television correspondent for E! News named Ken Baker, for years, had a rare condition known as prolactinoma, a tumor in the pituitary gland which, unless treatment, prohibits the body from going through puberty. Of course, a documentary on the real condition would be too boring, so somewhere in Hollywood, a whopping six screenwriters hatched the idea to turn Baker's struggles into a raunchy comedy.

The comedy, as expected, forgoes any and all attempts to go beyond the usual, opting for predictable sex, masturbation, pimples, and erections jokes, all of which are new to our main character, Dr. Peter Newmans (Johnny Simmons), upon having his pituitary tumor removed. Peter is a sex therapist, ridiculed by his father (J. K. Simmons) for repressing the very natural desires of humans, while his mother (Maria Bello) coddles him before and after his recovery. Peter has been attracted to Michelle (Brittany Snow), his pretty neighbor who has just broken up with her workaholic, insensitive boyfriend, for years now, but not so much attracted on a physical level as much as on a personal level. Of course, this prompts his father and friends (Kumail Nanjiani and Beck Bennett) to assume he is gay, ready to come out any day.

Once the tumor is out, Peter plays catch-up with most of the cliches that haunted us in middle school, including his voice cracking and violent moodiness which begins to take a toll on his relationship with Michelle and his professional life. Before surgery, Peter would've tried to direct a client's attention elsewhere after she claims to have a problem with obsessively giving and thinking about fellatios. However, as he's now going through puberty, he can't wait to get his pants off for her until his boss (Jane Lynch) barges in the room.

The Late Bloomer, through all its lame-brained sentiments and thoroughly unfunny sex comedy, does indeed manage to get some details right. Peter's relationship with Nanjiani's hyperactive wingman Rich is an interesting one, largely thanks to Nanjiani's amiable everyman presence that makes him marginally more likable than most in the film. Simmons provides some thoughtful comedy, mostly thanks to his trademark drawl capped off effectively with his deeper voice, and the myriad of writers occasionally get details right about the male psyche when faced with the make-or-break point of turning a friendship into a relationship.

But what The Late Bloomer manages to get wrong is practically everything else. The film was directed by Kevin Pollak, a Christopher Walken-esque "that guy" actor who probably gave your favorite supporting performance in one of your most cherished films. Pollak's convictions, to me, always seemed smarter, more enlightened than a film of this caliber, and the end result feels like a half-baked Broken Lizard film in the opposite sense of that statement's cheeky connotation. The film exists in the way bargain-bin animated films do, those that serve as direct-to-DVD/streaming sequels to better, more competent projects. It will probably provide very light-hearted, questionably memorable laughs for some, while on the other hand, it doesn't have the comedic chops nor screenplay to sustain itself like a Judd Apatow film or even some of the more worthwhile Broken Lizard episodes.

The Late Bloomer serves as the case-study for aspiring comedy writers, and even those already in the field, that even hiring a full house to write a story and filling a set with recognizable, multi-talented faces can't overcome a dour, immature screenplay.

Starring: Johnny Simmons, Brittany Snow, Kumail Nanjiani, Beck Bennett, J. K. Simmons, Maria Bello, and Jane Lynch. Directed by: Kevin Pollak.