Post by nopersonality on Jan 30, 2010 11:32:54 GMT -5
★★★
After a season with an episode as bad as "Collection Completed," and only 6 episodes total, you'd figure this show would have nowhere to go but up. And you'd be right. But... who on Earth could have expected this novelty project for HBO would turn out to be such a smash pop culture sensation? Well, it sorta was. For HBO it was. It remained low budget throughout all 7 years. But it was always popular and interesting. Basically, it was like Halloween lasted all year round. Season 2 continues with an amazing start and an amazing finish and some truly master-piece works of televised horror. And it became a peak of excellence which was an act too tough for most of the seasons that followed it to outdo. Most of...
Episode #1: "Dead Right"
Plot:
Cathy Finch is a working girl with a bad attitude and some rotten luck. But her luck starts to change after she goes to see Madam Vorna, a quirky psychic who tells her she is about to meet the man she's going to marry. Cathy's plan is to not get married until she finds a rich man, so this guy in Vorna's vision must be "the one." While waiting for him to show up, she meets greasy and creepy fat guy Charlie Marno. He asks her out and she turns him down. She changes her mind however, when Vorna tells her he will inherit a fortune shortly after they are married and then, die- violently. Charlie proposes marriage and she accepts. Cathy is repulsed by him and quickly grows tired of waiting for him to inherit the money, so she plans to leave him. It's here that Vorna's prediction begins coming true. Cathy thinks she's hit it big! But... there are a couple important details Vorna forgot to mention.
Demi Moore is one of the most ridiculously gorgeous, sensual women on the face of the planet. So, it's not exactly flattering for her to play a pointy-headed, prickly wench type. But that seems to be the objective of this incredibly cinematic starter to...well, an incredibly cinematic season of Crypt. The quality of the cinematography is just jaw-dropping. And it adds completely to the tension. Of which, this way darkly comedic and deeply nasty little piece has a lot. Demi Moore is truly hateful here and her repulsion is all the more disturbing when we are forced to share it. This guy she winds up getting hitched to has no personality quirks to make up for his overly make-upped appearence: bloated fat suit pieces that look pretty damn real and sickening face appliances that seriously inspire disgust. If this episode has no other virtue- it's disturbing, gross, and morally shocking. But thankfully, not all the humor is too-dark. One example - although the usually kindly and lovable Jeffrey Tambor is a genuine creep here, Natalia Nogulich (So NoTorious) as the "mysterious" fortune-teller is a total ray of sunshine. Well, not for Demi Moore, but for us- she's a pleasure in this slyly entertaining symphony of nastiness.
★★★
Episode #2: "The Switch"
Plot:
Carlton is a kindly, rich old man who has just fallen in love... with a sweet girl who works in a flower-shop. The problem? She's in her 20's and he's about 70. He wants to marry her and he thinks the problem is that she could be after his money if she finds out he's rich. So he doesn't tell her. He proposes and she turns him down because he's too old. He decides the way to fix this is to have a face transplant operation, so he pays $1 million to a radical surgeon and has it done. However, she turns him down again because his upper body is too old. $2 million more and a second operation... but she's still not happy. He is prepared to spend whatever it takes to make himself attractive to her. But, there is a horrifying surprise waiting for him when he finally gets the young body he wants.
I wish I had more pleasent things to say about Ahhnold "I'm a cop, you idiot!!" The Terminator's episode. Because when you scrape off his embarrassing political escapades, I really like The-Ahhnold and his movies from this era in American filmmaking. And I was definitely surprised by his range of very effective tones in this piece and the sophisticated attitude overall. Kelly Preston from Twins (yeah, I saw that movie 6 times) puts in an appearence, and William Hickey is so damn sweet without pouring on the sugar-grandpa routine. You really do feel for him and his situation, just short of seeing yourself as him- wanting the girl so badly you'd do anything for her. Which is what you need to be able to enjoy the twist at the end. Unfortunately, the twist is so obvious you'll guess it before it's half-over. One thing you won't see coming, however, and I'm blowing the whistle on this: Hickey's best friend and confidant - who you completely believe cares about him - betraying him for money. That's just one step over the line for me. They only threw that one in to be cruel. By the end, it turns out to be more than cruelty- it's just a poorly assembled twist altogether. Preston's character is too cliched and, as a performer, she doesn't deliver any deliciously dark bite for her proposed materialistic rudeness. She's nothing more than a tart who you think has a heart. That wears thin before the trademark moment where she dumps Hickey in Rick Rossovich's drop-dead-hunky bod just because his legs are skinny.
★★½
Episode #3: "Cutting Cards"
Plot:
Reno Krevis and Sam Forney are the two greatest card players in Vegas. And they can't stand each other. They've bested everyone else and all they have left to beat is each other. They've played each other before and each has won and lost to the other. But every time they are in Vegas together, each wants the other one out. For good. This time, money's off the table and the loser agrees to leave Vegas forever. However, there's a problem. Every game they play comes up even. Which leads one to accuse the other of cheating. The price for this is a new game where the loser will lose something much more personal than his right to stay in Vegas...
Lance Henriksen munches the scenery like a cow chews grass. Only with more ferocity, of course. Take a minute's break now to fully allow that image to soak in. Lance is supposed to be like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or some kind of rogue cowboy here. His match, the guy from the 1989 tacky action romp Roadhouse, Kevin Tighe, is not quite the actor Henriksen is but he does pathetic rather well. If the name of this game is stubborn competition, this episode earns big points for finding a way to make it compelling in spite of its' childishness. It sure as hell isn't scary. But, with this bizarre relationship, there is bound to be some entertaining friction. So let's just say, whether it's fun or not- the time flies. A bit of gore is a welcomed addition here. But, the most intriguing thing about the entire episode is an interruption to their gun fight that actually suggests they more than respect each other, despite their bickering. Though I just can't help but say I'd more enjoy watching Lance as a stripping cowboy or romantic leading man than as a rough-edged cardplayer. He'd already done the toughguy routine more effectively in the vampire-western Near Dark, playing a more world-weary character with a greater air of authority and command.
★★★
Episode #4: "Till Death"
Plot:
We start out in Africa, at a posh private whites-only drinks-party where slinky host, Logan, is a well-to-do landowner about to expand his development deal over to a dangerous area of swampland which is uninhabitable thanks to quicksand puddles. After learning this tidbit, he thinks his life is ruined. It's complicated enough already, since he's having an affair with a luscious dark-skinned goddess who's mad as hell at him and knows a few tricks that will throw yet another monkeywrench in his plans. To make his development deal work, he woos the bratty cash-cow Margaret into the marriage bed with a sort-of love potion. Only, he put too many drops in her glass and she dies... but returns from the grave to continue pleasing her husband because that potion won't allow love to end over a silly little thing like death.
You think you know where this episode's going to go, but you have absolutely no idea! It keeps changing, again and again. No matter what your expectations are, they will be re-written. The tone is dark, tight, and tense...at first. Then it gets mysterious, which brings out an incredible style. Then, they add a zombie to the mix. Death brings out this episode's playful side- and how. Actress Pamela Gien is an absolute riot as the almost Stepford Wife-like domestic princess in her perfect posh dresses cooking her man the perfect dinner. And this uptight frigid brat goes wild with one-liners. That's when things get fun! Sporting a huge cleaver (which she intends to use on someone)- she whines about a bullet hole in her expensive dress, comes back from blow after blow like The Terminator, and - in the funniest Crypt moment ever - makes a pun after being set on fire that made me laugh so hard, I'm sure the neighbors heard me! A loser that becomes a rolicking winner!
★★★
Episode #5: "Three's a Crowd"
Plot:
Richard, an ashamed husband in a bad financial situation goes away with his wife, Della, for their anniversary to a little water-front cabin retreat on the dime of an old friend, Alan, who would seem to have the hots for Della. He becomes wildly paranoid that she's cheating on him and she's unwittingly doing a lot to prove his suspicions are correct. She completely ignores him because of his rotten mood, in favor of spending all her time laughing and chatting up Alan, and secretly talks behind Richard's back about her new life plans. It sounds like she's going to leave him. This drives him to get up to a lot of drinking until finally, he can't take anymore. She's keeping a secret from him alright but it might not be what he thinks it is.
The comedic tone of the first 4 episodes goes right out the window for this ultra-serious little gem. This little internal horror piece is tastefully acted, stylishly directed, and beautifully calculated to the last mili-second to do The Shining, sans supernatural elements, the way it should have been done. The parallels between the two are quite remarkable. Though Kubrick's went heavier into atmosphere and is more rewarding on that level, this piece handles the internal struggle to hurt your loved ones with the utmost integrity and no sense of over-the-top pandering. The quiet intensity very suddenly is cranked up to full-blast and in an eyeblink, we are thrust into the darkest reaches of human evil. One of Crypt's 10 best, this all-class outing of fear and terror will not disappoint!
★★★½
Episode #6: "The Thing from the Grave"
Plot:
Stacy is a beautiful fashion model, Mitch is her abusive, controlling boyfriend, and Devlin is a photographer. Three makes a triangle, don't it? Stacy wants far away from Mitch so she runs into sensitive Devlin's arms and the two begin an affair. Mitch finds out and decides to erase Devlin from the picture. However, before that happens, Devlin makes a promise to Stacy when he gives her a good luck charm that the forces of good and evil decide he will keep...even from beyond the grave.
Let's face it... some if not most of these episodes are just logically dumb. Even the greats don't have to make perfect sense. This episode's storyline in particular is highly ridiculous in the world we live in. But in the threadbare world of Tales from the Crypt, what's most important is the novelty, the successful execution of the idea, and that we're delivered enough gratifying elements. This episode is so basic, it should be insulting. But it delivers. The writing is effective if not good. The dialogue works, though I'd have recast the Devlin role personally. The violence, monster FX, and gore (although it's a little dark to see it) are excellent. And the music score is actually really chilling (especially the groceries scene). I love this episode!
★★★
Episode #7: "The Sacrifice"
Plot:
Hunky Los Angeles insurance salesman James is summoned to meet rich loser Sebastian at his penthouse apartment to discuss buying a new policy. His beautiful younger wife Gloria takes a liking to James and wants his help in killing Sebastian for his money and make the death look like an accident. She has a very specific plan. They kill him before he signs but after the police know he intended to will her the money when he dies, which she thinks takes suspicion off her. Everything goes according to plan. However, there's one thing neither of them counted on... a witness. And not just anybody; someone who knows James and Gloria and wants something from them in exchange for silence. And it isn't money.
Michael Ironside (Scanners, Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II), Kim Delaney (NYPD Blue, Army Wives), and the hunk-alicious Kevin Kilner (Disney's Smart House) are wasted in this entirely pointless, boring, and predictable snoozer. This one lacks everything: tension, scares, gore, good writing, any details about anything at all...even, for all the sex that is mentioned in dialogue - nudity. You get the impression that this guy, Richard Greenberg, is trying to make a classy episode. Out of some of the trashiest subject matter of the entire series. I just don't get the point of sex scenes and undressing scenes with jarring cutaways to make sure men's nipples aren't viewed (shots of him on-top during the actual sex are filmed / edited the same way).
I'm not kidding when I say it lacks details about anything. Kilner meets Delaney in an elevator and 3 minutes later, she's visiting his boat-house and after 25 seconds of conversation, they're in bed. After 25 seconds of sex, they're scheming to kill the rich guy. After 25 seconds of that, he says he's in love with her. After 7 seconds of that...next scene. So right there, just based on that, you know she doesn't love him back. Which means, you know how it's going to end. Based on that, and the fact that he is the biggest dope on the planet. This is an obvious "double crossing" episode and everything is given away to us by each character's morality. She double-crosses her husband, so you know she will double-cross anyone because that's the kind of person she is. There's no attempt to shy away from obviousness in this episode's twist. I guessed it less than 4 minutes after Ironside showed up. Completely pedestrian and lame, in every regard. Oh... except for the opening credits sequence, the rather romantic laidback drive through the apartment buildings of L.A.
★
Episode #8: "For Cryin' Out Loud"
Plot:
Marty Slash is a frustrated rock concert promoter who's getting old in years and isn't happy that he's got nothing to show for his decades of dealing with the crazy demands of whiny rock stars and pampering their egos. With all the money he handles week to week, he thinks it's about time he got paid off and out of the business for good. So he arranges a $1 million payday in the form of a "Save the Amazon" rainforest charity benefit concert series. He withdraws the money in cash and is ready to hop his plane the hell out of his daily hell when all of a sudden, a little voice starts speaking to him. Telling him not to take the money. Is he going crazy? Is his conscience really talking to him? And, if it is- what good will it do since Marty is ready to kill for this money?
After seeing season 4's torturously awful "On a Deadman's Chest," I was really soured on the idea of sitting through another episode with a rock band theme. Damn, am I glad I had second thoughts! This one's one of the most fun episodes of the whole show! Lee Arenberg delivers a pitch-perfect performance (you may remember him from the 3rd season opener to Scrubs as Dr. Moyer...the "MY MACHINES!" guy). His inner monologue plays aloud throughout the episode (stand-up comic legend Sam Kinison, who thankfully is reduced to just a voice in the audio mix, playing a manic variation on Disney's Jiminy Cricket), which has convinced him that no woman would ever find him attractive (I have a hard time believing that). This episode is perfectly cast, everyone turns in a funny and dynamic performance, down to the smallest part (including Mark Lowenthal as a quirky ear doctor, and Iggy Pop, who unlike Yul Vazquez from "On a Deadman's Chest" can actually pull off the foul-mouthed rockstar routine). And, though this won't scare anyone, there's just enough blood in it to make it entertaining on that level. See this one!
★★★½
Episode #9: "Four-Sided Triangle"
Plot:
Mary-Jo is a girl with some big problems. She's on-the-run from the law and hiding out on a farm, doing daily chores for abusive couple George and Louisa. Louisa threatens her physically while George keeps making sexual advances toward her. One day, after George tries to kill her and knocks her unconscious, she stumbles upon a scarecrow that appears to be alive. She tells George and Louisa about it but they don't believe her. George then notices her sneaking out of the house at night to meet the scarecrow, each time she seems to be waiting for him to make love to her. Is Mary-Jo imagining these things? Or are they really happening?
Another obvious twist (you'll see it coming from a mile away!), but unlike "The Sacrifice," this episode actually delivers on its' incredibly bizarre premise - which the CryptKeeper sets up beautifully by telling you it's all about "heavy breathing" (thankfully, he wasn't this lurid when warming up season 3's "Split Second"). You could strain your brain trying to figure out how it's going to get to the ending (yes, it's that strange), but the acting is so good, it gets us there in record time. Pet Sematary's Susan Blommaert turns in the best crotchety old-lady performance this side of Anne Ramsey (with a far more quiet menace, too), Chelcie Ross (who mostly ends up doing political thrillers) is appropriately pervert-like as the old man, and Patricia Arquette stunningly dives right into this flaky character. She's good at getting lost in a part and seems to take even her least significant role seriously (horror fans will no doubt remember her from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, but her real tour-de-force performance was in David Lynch's Lost Highway). The atmosphere is taut and freaky, there's enough strange sex to keep us distracted from the redneck cliches, and the look of the episode is fantastic. As is the X-Files-ish music score. One complaint: it would have been scarier if my original prediction for the ending had come true.
★★½
Episode #10: "The Ventriloquist's Dummy"
Plot:
Little Billy Goldman has just seen his first ventriloquist act and wants nothing more than to be exactly like his heroes, lounge act star Mr. Ingles, and the famous "Morty," his dummy. 15 years after sitting through Ingles & Morty's last performance, a grown-up Billy goes to Ingles' home to invite him to come to his debut performance for a crowd at amateur night. When he arrives, Ingles is tired, bitter, and very angry, but he gives Billy a half-hearted "maybe." Billy's stage debut is a complete disaster and Ingles, who shows up, tells him to get out of showbusiness. Billy is crushed... but not completely ready to give up. He decides to go back to Ingles home and confront him, where to his horror he discovers his hero is... not the man he thought he was.
How can you screw up an episode that features Don Rickles as a master ventriloquist and the underrated Bobcat Goldthwait as his wannabe-protege? Simple: pour on the sap like you're making pancakes the size of the Empire State Building, build up your usually acerbic and raunchily sarcastic comedians as washed-up, pitiable tragic figures, lead-in to your big climax with an embarrassingly hammy murder-mystery subplot, and then, turn your big climax into a pathetic freakshow channelling Peter Jackson (at his Meet the Feebles worst), and gross everyone out with really nauseating mutation fx. Can't say I was surprised though. After Directed by: Richard Donner (1976's boring The Omen) flashed on the screen, I immediately lowered my standards. Turns out it doesn't matter how low you set your standards- this really, really sucks.
★
Episode #11: "Judy, You're Not Yourself Today"
Plot:
Gun fanatic Donald and his stressed, uppity wife Judy are having one hell of a day dealing with door-to-door solicitors. First it's a wimpy petitioner whose organization wants to ban gun ownership. Then it's a rude elderly cosmetics saleswoman who insists Judy may not be good enough to become one of her clients. Donald won't let the wimp into his house. But after he leaves for the morning, Judy feels she must chat with the saleswoman, especially because she admires her very interesting-looking necklaces. Donald comes home and Judy is nowhere to be found. The old woman is there, though, and claims she is Judy. Then he gets a call warning him, "Judy...is not herself today." Now the already-nearly insane Donald has to use his head to figure things out, but he has a tendancy to let his big gun do all the thinking.
Completely lacking any fear and tension, this slightly-dark but KNEE-SLAPPING, GUT-BUSTING, SIDE-SPLITTING weird-comedy is one of the most entertaining episodes of any television show I've witnessed in my life. And "witnessed" is the right word for it. It's strange but it's rapid-fire the whole way through. Carol Kane and Brian Kerwin deliver pure perfection in their portrayal of a stressed-out suburban couple whose life of unease hits the roof. And just when you think the focus is on the freakiness of being in someone else's body, you realize it's just a front for what the story's really about. Gun control. Which itself is also a front, for the attitudes of the people who own them. Only here, it's cranked up to the point where the guy actually gets a multiple-identity orgasm by killing people with his gun. And it's not heavy-handed either. More like a farce, with a shockingly bittercutesy ending. And the CryptKeeper's all-time best outro. Most people think he's a very lame character. But it's moments like this that prove his insane quality can sometimes be really entertaining. Usually when he's breathless and...insane. Which his puppet does here, not through his eyes, but through his voice and laughter. This time, it really feels like he's gone off the deep end and he's not coming back. I laughed and grinned my head off the whole time. And now, whenever I re-watch that ending... I actually feel like I'm going to cry. One of life's rare perfect treasures and a top 10 Crypt episode if there ever was one!
★★★★
Episode #12: "Fitting Punishment"
Plot:
Ezra Thornberry is a very mean funeral home owner who has just "inherited" a slave in the form of his nephew Bobby, whose parents (one of them being Ezra's sister, Ruby) have recently died. Bobby agrees to work for Ezra in exchange for a place to live so Ezra teaches Bobby the finer points of the mortuary business. But Bobby is a slow learner and Ezra has no patience and loses his temper quickly. He begins beating Bobby, eventually savagely paralyzing his legs forever. Now he has to pay a doctor's fee and Ezra hates to pay for anything. So he's tasked with finding a solution to his problem: one no-good teenager and one extra coffin too many. A match made in heaven? "Waste not, want not," Ezra always says...
I've barely watched Everybody Hates Chris, but I vividly remember a commercial in which the father yelled at Chris to shut off the light because it costs too much money. That penny-pinching, which is something of a stereotype (I've noticed) with black characters in movies / tv, is turned into a 30-minute episode of this show, and it's beautifully executed. Moses Gunn (George's old blackmailing friend on The Jeffersons) turns in another of his patented "worst human being on the planet" performances as a heartless, insensitive mortician; and let me say- what a villain! This is another episode that scores real high on the tension meter. At first, it's heavily diluted by the humor. Then, you realize the humor is being used to pad the shocks before they happen. And well... I was shocked. Only flaw: the punishment actually isn't fitting. Given how much of a bastard this guy is. It's laughable and bizarre. So much so, that you can't help but keep your eyes on how they're achieving a special effect, rather than paying attention to any sense of irony or retribution. Again, diluted by humor. But maybe that was the point... Who knows? In terms of writing, acting, and tension- this is a masterpiece.
★★★½
Episode #13: "Korman's Kalamity"
Plot:
Jim Korman is a comic book artist with some very unique problems. His wifezilla, Mildred, is on the warpath with accusations of Jim's alleged infidelities, and demands that he get her pregnant and that he take fertility pills to cure what she sees as his inability. The pills haven't been approved by the FDA, are highly experimental, and the side effects may (or may not) be causing Jim's monster drawings to come to life. Because, all over the city, monsters that look an awful lot like the ones in his comics are turning up and terrorizing or killing the local population. This attracts the attention of a beautiful young female cop who is convinced Jim knows about it. She confronts then befriends him and Mildred, who would kill if she ever caught him with another woman, finds out about it.
Knowing the twist before watching an episode is one thing that can lower your opinion of it when you get around to seeing it again. The other thing is: high expectations. This episode is a definite victim of high expectations on my part. It's a good episode, and another one that benefits tremendously by just how much this season's episodes feel like real movies. This one is every bit as cinematic as something like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is a strange movie to flashback on while watching this episode. Must have been the red and white checkered floors in the laudromat scene (reminds of pizza-places in New York, of which you see several throughout the legacy of TMNT). The one movie I couldn't get out of my head while watching this was C.H.U.D. Random attack spots, monsters loose in a city, no clue given as to where they'll strike next. The reason my expectations were so high is because I remember how freaky it was watching this alone as a kid- a kid with a wild imagination. I remembered things that didn't necessarily take place. One thing was the Mildred Monster sitting in a laundromat in one of the orange chairs next to someone reading a newspaper. The person realizes there's a monster sitting next to them and fear insues. That doesn't happen here. Basically, having Harry Anderson and Colleen Camp in this episode tells you how scary it's going to be before you see it - zilch. A scene involving a rapist is played for one-liners, a scene involving kids playing has the terror equivalent of that Dennis the Menace movie (1993), and the eventual showdown between Colleen Camp and the Mildred Monster is disappointing. Mainly because, between Valley Girl and Election...directors only used her to be the irritating, shrill housewife (this, Wicked Stepmother, Police Academy: part whatever). She's irritating and shrill, alright. But not funny. To its' credit, though: the episode is creative, the dialogue is well-written, and Harry Anderson is sweet and sympathetic, never mean-spirited.
★★★
Episode #14: "Lower Berth"
Plot:
At Feeley's Fantastic Fairway of Freaks, there's only one attraction that you can't see anywhere else. His name is Enoch, and he has 2 faces. He's the star of the freakshow, abused and neglected by his nasty owner, Mr. Sickles. He's dying to get out of his cage. He's also dying... for good. His ailing health makes him a liability to Sickles, who now needs a new freak to ensure he has a way to make a living. He makes a deal with an underhanded aristocratic doctor in exchange for a real mummified woman's corpse and suddenly, he's back on-top with Feeley's freakshow. But Enoch has fallen in love with the mummy and decides he wants a child with her. All he has to do is remove her cursed necklace- if Sickles doesn't do it first. The necklace's curse has a nasty side effect though for anyone who tries to take it.
Perhaps dreading the other mutation episodes of the season, "The Ventrioquist's Dummy" and "My Brother's Keeper," I decided to watch this one first. I guess the inspiration for it would be either Tod Browning's Freaks or any Universal monster movie from that heyday of classic horror, where some or most of the monsters were sympathetic. At first, Enoch (also the name given to the cursed-book in Lucio Fulci's 1980 gorefest, City of the Living Dead) is sympathetic. Of course, it's a pretty obvious and lame ploy to always expect your Elephant Man main character will be sympathetic and trodden-on just because he's deformed (almost always a "he" in these types of stories, you'll notice). But that changes toward the end, in a remarkably odd finale. Kevin Yagher is a master of special effects and animatronics puppetry (he created the actual bodies you see of Chucky from Child's Play and the CryptKeeper himself- notice they have the exact same eyeballs), but as a director, he bites the big one. This is his best Crypt offering. It has its' moments (the best of which are undoubtedly the Keeper's intro and outro), and is shockingly watchable. But overall, it falls short of its' ambitions... unless its' ambitions were to just show us ugly fx-creations. Though this one tries for heart, it winds up being boring and lacking real fear. Skippable.
★★
Episode #15: "Mute Witness to Murder"
Plot:
Paul and Suzy are celebrating their anniversary; Jim leaves the room to fetch Suzy her present when Suzy suddenly witnesses their neighbor, Dr. Trask, murdering his wife from across their apartment balcony. She is so shocked at the sight of this that she finds herself unable to speak. When Paul returns, she looks like she's dying. He runs for help and brings her back a doctor. Dr. Trask, that is. When he asks Paul what's wrong with her, Paul tells him she was just... standing out on the balcony. Dr. Trask looks out over the balcony and can see right into his own window. He knows she knows- but she can't tell anyone because she's been shocked silent. So, he has her committed to the sanitorium he runs. Now he can make sure she never talks, ever again!
Incredibly laidback and relentlessly smokey-blue, this wannabe-Hitchcock "psychological" thriller is well-paced and has good ideas. Unfortunately, they at times come off as unintentionally silly and incongruous. Which you only notice if the episode starts to bore you (and to be fair, after "The Sacrifice"- this is as compelling as it gets). But, Reed Birney as the husband is especially insufferable. And, I'm not at all crazy about the casting of Johnboy Walton (Richard Thomas) as a killer. There's a reason you'll have trouble separating his wholesome image from this kind of role. Even as a killer, he's impossibly polite and has a voice so sensitive, you'll always think he's just kidding around when he says he's about to do something bad. Patricia Clarkson, though, is a dream. And since the episode is really about her, she wins you over even when the absurdness of the story progression (I'm sorry- but what husband on Earth wouldn't be shocked at a doctor's decision to strait-jacket their wife just because she stops speaking?) gets out of hand. It's a quiet and short little no-thrills thriller. There's no real twist here, but the turns it takes toward the end are at least satisfying since the worst characters get what I wanted them to.
★★½
Episode #16: "Television Terror"
Plot:
Horton Rivers Live is the scummiest talk show on TV. And its host, Horton Rivers, is every bit as sleazy and assholey as his show is. But his ratings depend on more outrageous and shameless stunts. So in a quest to raise the stakes, he takes an episode into a house where a mass murder took place to exploit the tragedies for "are there ghosts in there?" sensationalism. He's not afraid- after all, the vicious murderess is years-since dead and there's no such thing as ghosts anyway, right? Horton gives the camera his hokey best and takes his audience on a tour of all the rooms on the first floor. He gets a call from the control room: viewers are tuning out- they're bored. He has to do something to up the ratings. So he takes the camera upstairs... where he finds the house is not as lifeless as it should be.
Here's the other victim of high-expectations. This has now become regarded as the single best episode of the show by most fans and casual viewers. With good reason - you can cut the tension with a knife! Althroughout. And, you definitely want to see some bloodshed- every character in this episode is a jerk. Which makes the 2-person bodycount very disappointing. But, for a haunted-house themed episode, this one gets that ghosts are usually not scary. So, they throw in some chainsaw action for good measure. And, unlike The Haunting, when doors slam and shake in this movie- they bleed too. The episode's greatest quality is that the tension never dwindles or wanes. Nor is it reliant on the nasty attitude of the jerk characters. But, it could certainly have produced a scarier killer, done away with the unfortunate The Sentinel-esque proliferation of old dead people, and recast the part of the cameraman- Trip. Or...just upped the bodycount. I also would have liked Sam to look a little more shocked at the sight of a dead body hanging out of a window. I was surprised at how good Morton Downey Jr. was in an acting role. I quite enjoyed his little "Elvis in France" impression. Apparently, this episode was directed by a stuntman and several people he's related to end up doing stuntwork here.
★★★
Episode #17: "My Brother's Keeper"
Plot:
Eddie and Frank are Siamese twins who have just seen a doctor promising them a 50-50% chance of successfully separating them permanently. Great news, right? Eddie thinks so. He's tired of people calling him a freak, of having to have his brother with him when he has sex, and having to go everywhere and do everything his brother does. Frank has the same problem, he's tired of Eddie's reckless lifestyle. But, while Eddie is enthusiastic about the operation, Frank is scared about the other 50% chance that it will fail and they could die. So he refuses to sign the surgical release form. Then he meets Marie, the woman of his dreams. There's just one problem with that... Eddie. Both are not willing to give up what they want and one of them is going to have to kill to free themselves of their other half.
Finally...! A mutation freakshow that has more than just special fx novelty to get you past that truly disgusting deformity which takes center-stage in all these episodes. Here, it's a really gross piece of gummy flesh that connects the butts of 2 very different brothers together. What's special about this episode (other than Suspiria's Jessica Harper, and an excellent cleaver murder) are the gifted actors playing the two brothers, their very defined and amusing characters, and the damn smart writing that leads to inventive, funny turns, and another of the greatest twists in the show's 7-year run. The episode starts with some predictable gags but the pacing keeps 'em coming without stop, and the engaging performances keep you watching. One brother is naturally a sports-loving, sex-crazy pig who propositions every woman he comes across, while the other is a sensitive, symphony-loving cultured nice-guy who loves to cook. And just when you think you know where this is going, it twists in ways you can't expect. In ways you'd never think would have any comedic or horrific punch to them. Another episode that lacks proper tension and any scares. But it succeeds on brains and ends up being a lot more fun than this kind of plot has any right to be.
★★★½
Episode #18: "The Secret"
Plot:
Little Theodore lives in an orphanage with a bunch of other young kids who are all smaller than he is. The mean woman who runs it wants him out. She's tired of him eating too much and running off in the night. She finally gets her way, when he is adopted by an ultra-sophisticated rich couple, who whisk him away to their huge mansion in the middle of the woods and keep him locked in his bedroom at all times, making sure he's only fed dessert for every meal. He befriends their kindly butler Tobias, as they begin hinting at a big surprise they have planned for Theodore. But their secretive nature has him worried that they are not as kind as they seem.
A genuinely creepy and stylistically indulgent fairy tale. There's a definite and intentional Escape to Witch Mountain-vibe all throughout this episode. Especially when you see his bedroom. But in terms of fairy tales, the gluttonous eating of nothing but pastry-sweets is obviously Hansel & Gretel. As for the fear quotient, this benefits greatly from a distinct Misery feel to the tension that amounts once he finds himself trapped with what seem like the quintessential hospitable guardians being way too generous. There's blue light everywhere. Is that supposed to be an unusual color for light to be found in natural surroundings? It's a gorgeous and lavish episode, from the mansion to the outdoors to the car to the bedroom. And all the scenes involving food and the guilt of eating are sure to touch a nerve with someone. The twist is very good. This "secret" is a good one, indeed.
★★★
