Watch with Me - EXPERIMENT ENTRY #1

[nopersonality]

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
(R-Rated Version / 1993 / director: Adam Marcus)

Part 1: The first 8 minutes

Film starts with New Line logo (shocking, I know) and... a truly trippy version of some kind of piece of music. It's much more suited to a Nightmare on Elm Street film opening or something, but that's New Line for ya- only thinking of their own company. Good on them, then, that they at one time owned the 1981 Sam Raimi masterpiece, The Evil Dead. The reason for this will likely be explained later. Finally, we hear the old "choo choo choo, ha ha ha" (I know what it's supposed to be, but this - as we all know - is what it sounds like) trademark of the Friday the 13th series. Of course, there's a problem or two. 1 is that it isn't used more subtley. The other is that it's also missing something... the original Harry Manfredini score. Whether it be good news or bad (at this point in the film), it has to be mentioned that this is the first film "in the series" (though, as a true fan- I don't count New Line's entries as true sequels) since 1986's Part VI: Jason Lives where Manfredini returned to do the music score.

As the first image of the film fades up from the black, we get a very classic sounding piece of 1980's inspired music. The first image is a beautiful light hitting the lake but very muted, as it's just now getting dark. Then we cut to a darkening road where a very modern car is winding down the path. With this film's so-far very classic look, no one can complain about the car. Or the driver wearing a fairly out-of-place bright blue baseball (type) cap. Car drives past a road sign and the camera is zooming in to give us a clue what it is. Directions to get to Camp Crystal Lake. Music's hitting a peak of sweet early 80's. With this kind of thing going on, how could anyone fault what New Line was trying to do? It really seems like they wanted to show that they could do a Friday the 13th movie right. Right? ... Another driving shot. And now it's getting really dark. In fact, we can barely see. The car parks. Into the driveway of a great cabin-looking house. The cinematography is very technically slick. Very accurate blacks. Loud and abrupt sound effect. This would bother some, but not me. I can't complain. Good, clean audio.

Lady looks like a dude

We get our first closeup of the driver. Almost surprising to see it's a woman from her very tomboyish wardrobe. She seems apprehensive about entering the cabin and we get a very quiet, very well-handled shot of her looking around in the dark. Cliche watch dictates that when she attempts to turn on a light, it won't work. Not only that but it leads to a very effective jump scare. Again, some would complain- but this is very well executed. Leaving the film feeling solid so far. She goes back outside, leaving the door open (for... someone to enter?) while the camera does the cliche "point of view" shot of what appears to be someone following her. Very closely.

Whistle while you stand

And here's where we get our first Evil Dead-ism: she goes to an outdoor shed with heavy door. The light in there works. She looks around for another bulb and we get something great here: SILENCE. I mean, this is not what a real Friday the 13th film would do but it's great if we have to watch this thing try to be brought into a new class of film. Can't complain yet. So far, this thing has been very successful in building up mood even though nothing is happening (which puts it far above the - so far - similar 2009 feature, The House of the Devil). Very cheap jump scare comes next. The door slams and a VERY LOUD music cue follows. Lots of bass. But, now, the music is really progressing to the 1985-1986 years. Great to see a real spectrum of homage being paid by the man who did it all himself. The music finally starts to build as we follow her from the shed into the cabin with ladder in hand, climbing the ladder and changing the high-to the ceiling broken bulb. It's very dark but this is still a good, well-thought out set-up. As the lightbulb is changed, we're reminded of the lantern lighting scene from the first movie with the Bill character.

If you wanna ride, don't ride the white...

Music goes quiet again as the seeming cliche of "someone minding their own business, trying to do some menial chore" will be killed has been averted. With this new lighting source, we can see the cabin looks a little more modern than perhaps it should. As a matter of fact, I'm getting flashes of a lighthouse or a beachfront house rather than a cabin in the woods. Cut to: we're in an upstairs bathroom as the character stands in front of a mirror... with her cap still on her head. This is peculiar. But, ah... the first truly brilliant moment of the movie: in what I can only describe as an ass-kick to the ultra-predictable 1980 exploitation film Maniac, the camera pans down off the mirror and we watch the character poke around in her backpack and take her eyes off the mirror before the camera pans back up into it. No killer standing behind her. I didn't notice this at first. Even though the killer likely to be in the mirror series would probably be Halloween. The only time this ever happened in Friday the 13th territory was during one of Part V: A New Beginning's hallucination sequences.

Take it off

Finally the cap comes off. As do the rest of her clothes as she disrobes for a very mild bathing scene. Like in The Evil Dead, we only see her breasts from the side... Well... that is, until... the movie's first HUGE FLAW: the music turns to shit. This begins as the cabin's power goes out. IMMEDIATELY, she freaks out and so does the music. Before you even have time, like with the ladder scene and the mirror, for your brain to register that you're watching a cliche- the movie is trying to hammer your head. This doesn't bother me by itself. The agitator is what they are choosing to do this with: BAD MUSIC. In the dark (and we can barely see) - the character grabs a towel, swears, and the music is brooding again. Almost as if trying to make up for the huge mistake they just made, the film tries to quiet things down. As the woman leaves the bathroom only wearing towel, and looks through the cabin trying to see if she can't figure out what's up, the door blows itself open but there is no one standing in the open passageway (this also recalls Jason Lives specifically). The movie is starting to rebuild its' quality tension from before by having her stand in the only patch of light pouring into the setting and being apprehensive about going any further to look- although, for whatever reason, the character is wearing a cross necklace. Um... there is no religion in Friday the 13th before now. Why the hell is this here? Is this movie again confusing Friday the 13th for Nightmare on Elm Street? Anyway- we get more dark shots searching the cabin to find some clue of what has happened but we see no one.

Where have we seen this before?

Out of nowhere: Jason appears... Wait, lemme try that again. HUGE FLAW #2: this isn't Jason Voorhees. Other than the fact that Jason was psychically and physically laid to cosmic rest at the end of Jason Takes Manhattan, this... THING posing as Jason is ALL wrong. Although he does have the trademark machete and... some of the old hockey mask, every single other thing here is wrong. Why the hell does he have no head anymore? I'll clarify: either his flesh has bulged so far out from his scalp that it has become his new head, or he's become a clone of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Krang character. His fucking head is puffed pink. Like his brain has gotten so big that now it is his head. He looks like shit. Not in the good way. Furthermore, the mask doesn't fit and his hands are burnt and scarred just like Freddy Krueger's. Also, he's wearing some kind of stupid blue jumpsuit thing- he looks like a damn mutant redneck. And, as though this scene could possibly get more ill-advised... they have him pose in the exact same manner as Halloween's Michael Myers, watching his potentially injured victim try to get up before lumbering off after her. Oh yeah, he jumps out at her and she falls off the second floor onto a table and starts running. Great- so, this isn't a real person. It's clearly a stunt woman. Does that explain the masculine getup? Dunno. Either way, the music is cheap and fart-horn heavy. I can't even begin to describe it. It sounds like... I mean it, I can't describe this. It's like a flat orchestra farting. Anyway- potential victim takes off running outside and leaps and flips like a gymnast. Hello, stunt-woman. Are we supposed to be scared for you or is this supposed to be a joke? She's being chased by Kirby's pizza-faced cousin in redneck gear while a possibly mechanical or computerized orchestra farts. All this could conceivably be is funny and that is a mighty stretch indeed. Biggest question is...: why make Jason "funny" now? And again, we can't call this Jason Voorhees. This is... New-Line Jason. That's all.

Total eclipse of a tree

He continues to chase her and, if it weren't for his shitty look or this AWFUL music, we could appreciate the look of the wafting beams of light ambiently shining through the trees. Nice sight, but it can't help this movie's horrible turn into garbage land. She runs, he chases her. Who cares? Oh yeah, and she never loses her towel. 20 or 30 seconds of running. Maybe 40. Suddenly, she stops running. So also stops the music. She somewhat slowly makes a full 360 degree turn and finally finds fake-pizzahead-Jason standing behind her. But... this is interrupted by a bunch of men in black soldier outfights and a lot of lights that are turning out around them. Fake-Jason is confused. The men all show their guns and blast It away. Wait, didn't this already happen in Halloween 4? LOTS of bullets, slow motion shots of New-Line-Jason being shaken, and... well, the music actually finds a way to get worse if you can believe it. Somehow, this isn't working (although Fake-Jason is making a lot of groaning-type noises). So they start throwing bombs at him. This causes him to eventually explode. The soldiers congratulate themselves. Fake-Jason's head and burning severed hand go flying through midair. We see his still-beating heart land on the ground. Off in the distance, an intense black man sits and watches with cigarette in mouth (until he removes it). Should this character speak? NO! It's a bad cliche. Of action / martial arts movies, of course, but a cliche none the less that the loner-wolf toughguy must say something either broodingly profound or cheap and one-liner-y. Which does this movie choose? Cheap and one liner-y.

Smile for the camera, asshole

Back at the soldiers little sting set-up, some official head dick in charge guy starts doling out the complements to a still towel-clad busty brunette tomboy soldier. Um, okay. Except that it belongs in an action movie. Whatever, I can let that one slide. Here's what I can't: suddenly, he starts talking to the camera. As though he was addressing another solider (SWAT? FBI?) or a guy holding a camera, he begins one of the movie's worst ideas: How many different ways can we insult, belittle, demean, or invalidate Jason Voorhees? I don't know. Let's find out. As though this ultimate destruction of a form of Jason Voorhees we're meant to believe is real were not being used to symbolize what so many prior victims died trying to do... the squad's cocky captain / chief / leader turns to us and says "good job, now clean this shit up" as though it's not a big deal what they've done. Oh, I know in a New Line "Jason" film it's nothing. But can you wrap your head around the mind of the filmmaker putting this to screen? Shouldn't he be a little smarter or more grown-up with this dialogue and story? Is this moment an example of the film commenting on the apathy and deep desensitization of whatever line of work these agents / cops / soldiers are in? Is this commentary on a sad real life truth... or is this guy just being an annoying dick?

The answer: DICK.