Post by StevePulaski on Apr 28, 2011 18:28:29 GMT -5
Rating: ★★
Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String isn't a parody of The Lord of the Rings. It's a softcore parody of Lord of the Rings, not to be confused. I wasn't aware this was a low budget Skinemax film that is show in the middle of the night on premium cable. I thought it was a minor TnA, sort of goofy LotR parody. I was wrong. Every five to nine minutes there is girl on girl sex scenes. Only so much can be handled by even a pubescent boy.
The girl on girl scenes are so often and often interrupt the movie plot. But why am I critiquing a pornographic film? It's pointless. They weren't meant to be subjects to criticism. The acting was awful, the special effects were shockingly bad, and the quality of the camera, while decent, looks like things I make on Youtube. Amateur isn't the right word.
The plot is three Throbbits (obviously a take off of "hobbits)" are sent on a journey by a perverted old wizard named Smirnof to destroy a g-string that will grant anyone who gets it unbelievably, extraordinary powers. The Throbbits are Dildo Saggins (Mundae), Horny (Caine), and Spam (Khan). All three are determined to destroy this pair of underwear, but easily get sidetracked when they decide to have lesbian sex in the middle of the woods.
The sex is the most laughable part of this film second to the dialog. The sex is too soft to even be called softcore porn. It isn't explicit, all it is is consistent. This film could've been forty five if all the sex scenes were omitted. I don't mind sex scenes. I don't care for them, but I don't hate them. Lesbian sex is something, I guess, for my age is supposed to amuse me. But I find nothing erotic or arousing about gratuitous sex scenes that last an eternity with no good reason to have them.
The dialog is so stiff and so awkward because these actresses aren't used to the "sex with storyline" formula. Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, and AJ Khan are all highly attractive and very beautiful if you ask me. But with them trying to say these lines naturally is a task that seems impossible. My favorite line is when Misty says something like "Me? Honorable? I cheated on the SAT," guess there are SAT tests in Throbbitland, "I rob liquor stores, I piss in the shower." What an unexpected and hilarious line.
The toilet humor, bad puns, and stiff dialog is almost vital to a film like this. It is enjoyable for a while, but it's getting near the level of so bad it's unenjoyable.
What I can't figure out is who this movie is intended for. Regular softcore watchers will likely not be amused if they didn't see Lord of the Rings and won't be aroused by the wizardry humor, as was I. Fans of the franchise will probably show no interest either. Even though they probably can't gets women of their own, they are probably still contemplating the rings untold powers and figure a movie like this is for "nerds."
Lord of the G-Strings is worth it for a good laugh. I fast forwarded at least five sex scenes because I wanted to hear more crap come out of the characters' mouth. For someone like me, a teenager, it isn't erotic or arousing at all. It's goofy, laughable, and awkward. The girls' costumes are nothing to get turned on about because the outfits are so strangely constructed. It's nerd porn at it's finest. But I still would recommend this for late nighters. It has a certain, strange appeal. I was entertained, but not a whole lot.
Starring: Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, A.J. Khan, and Michael R. Thomas. Directed by: Terry West.
Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String isn't a parody of The Lord of the Rings. It's a softcore parody of Lord of the Rings, not to be confused. I wasn't aware this was a low budget Skinemax film that is show in the middle of the night on premium cable. I thought it was a minor TnA, sort of goofy LotR parody. I was wrong. Every five to nine minutes there is girl on girl sex scenes. Only so much can be handled by even a pubescent boy.
The girl on girl scenes are so often and often interrupt the movie plot. But why am I critiquing a pornographic film? It's pointless. They weren't meant to be subjects to criticism. The acting was awful, the special effects were shockingly bad, and the quality of the camera, while decent, looks like things I make on Youtube. Amateur isn't the right word.
The plot is three Throbbits (obviously a take off of "hobbits)" are sent on a journey by a perverted old wizard named Smirnof to destroy a g-string that will grant anyone who gets it unbelievably, extraordinary powers. The Throbbits are Dildo Saggins (Mundae), Horny (Caine), and Spam (Khan). All three are determined to destroy this pair of underwear, but easily get sidetracked when they decide to have lesbian sex in the middle of the woods.
The sex is the most laughable part of this film second to the dialog. The sex is too soft to even be called softcore porn. It isn't explicit, all it is is consistent. This film could've been forty five if all the sex scenes were omitted. I don't mind sex scenes. I don't care for them, but I don't hate them. Lesbian sex is something, I guess, for my age is supposed to amuse me. But I find nothing erotic or arousing about gratuitous sex scenes that last an eternity with no good reason to have them.
The dialog is so stiff and so awkward because these actresses aren't used to the "sex with storyline" formula. Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, and AJ Khan are all highly attractive and very beautiful if you ask me. But with them trying to say these lines naturally is a task that seems impossible. My favorite line is when Misty says something like "Me? Honorable? I cheated on the SAT," guess there are SAT tests in Throbbitland, "I rob liquor stores, I piss in the shower." What an unexpected and hilarious line.
The toilet humor, bad puns, and stiff dialog is almost vital to a film like this. It is enjoyable for a while, but it's getting near the level of so bad it's unenjoyable.
What I can't figure out is who this movie is intended for. Regular softcore watchers will likely not be amused if they didn't see Lord of the Rings and won't be aroused by the wizardry humor, as was I. Fans of the franchise will probably show no interest either. Even though they probably can't gets women of their own, they are probably still contemplating the rings untold powers and figure a movie like this is for "nerds."
Lord of the G-Strings is worth it for a good laugh. I fast forwarded at least five sex scenes because I wanted to hear more crap come out of the characters' mouth. For someone like me, a teenager, it isn't erotic or arousing at all. It's goofy, laughable, and awkward. The girls' costumes are nothing to get turned on about because the outfits are so strangely constructed. It's nerd porn at it's finest. But I still would recommend this for late nighters. It has a certain, strange appeal. I was entertained, but not a whole lot.
Starring: Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, A.J. Khan, and Michael R. Thomas. Directed by: Terry West.