The "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" Franchise

[StevePulaski]

Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010)
Directed by: Thor Freudenthal

Greg frequently adds to his diary in Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Rating: ★

Anger, agitation, frustration can all describe the emotions I went through during Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The book itself states in it's tagline "A novel in cartoons". Not "A novel that will be allowed to function in bland live action universe." The part where a golden ray of sunlight shined on this movie was seeing the cartoons from the novel come to life on the screen. Though those would disappear faster than you can blink.

Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon) is starting middle school on the wrong foot. He has an overprotective mother, a confused yet harmless father, an older brother, Rodrick, who is bent on humiliating him, and an innocent youth named Manny for a younger sibling. Greg has really only one close friend, childish and loner Rowley (Ropert Capron). He is often poked fun at by his classmates and Greg himself. Not only in the film does he do a bad job of being mature, but does a miserable job at conceiving a character we, you know, can tolerate?

The film tries to be cute and funny with its jokes on "the cheese," which is just as bad in the movie as in the book, the abysmal recurring jokes about a classmate having "a cute butt", and the weird kid no one gets by the name of Fregly, one of the most disturbing and depressing characters I've encountered in quite some time.

It's unbelievably tedious to watch two actors (Gordon and Capron), who seem to be talented young men, try to make the cartoon versions of themselves come to life, when all they're doing is bring the poorest, most excruciating parts of their character's personalities to life. This is a new low in poor kid films. It's a miserable, uninspired mess that acts funnier than it is. It basically picks every possible bone to get a laugh out of the audience.

A sequel will probably be spawned along with another, and eventually they will be a movie to serve as every book's counterpart. They will likely elaborate on the new lows our main character will go to in order to maintain his irredeemably self-absorbed personality.

As much as I can see a child begging his parents to see this film, I wish I could sit down with their parents, and have a long, healthy discussion explaining why films like Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Alvin and the Chipmunks are harmful to young children because they provide us with laughs that are immaturely conceived and further children to be led to see films of this nature instead of seeking out ambitious and creative films, such as Secondhand Lions. I can't think of why that film would harm children, but I can think of many ways Diary of a Wimpy Kid can and already has.

Starring: Zachary Gordon, Robert Capron, Rachael Harris, Steve Zahn, and Devon Bostick. Directed by: Thor Freudenthal.

[StevePulaski]

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011)
Directed by: David Bowers

Holly Hills, Greg Heffley, Rowley Jefferson, and Chirag Gupta in Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules.

Rating: ★½

The sequel to Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a tiny bit more mature than the first film, but it still overwhelmed by kiddy gags and annoying characters. I have read all the book released, and while they are a very easy read, they pack a lot of fun in those pages. I don't believe there is any successful way to adapt this series of books to film. The only way that could be done is to use the same animation of the book which just won't work period. It's a lost cause.

When it came to the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid, I hated it. I contemplated leaving the theater but didn't. I was hoping somewhere in the film a highpoint would be reached. It never happened. The film was way too childish, the characters, especially Fregley were just poorly put on film. I keep hoping they'll scrap that kid in the future films, but I doubt it. Just looking and hearing that kid is annoying. Even in the book he was an annoyance.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules is about Greg Heffley (Gordon) showing his life and how it is "ruined" by his older brother Rodrick (Bostick). Whenever Greg and his best friend Rowley (Capron) try to have fun, Rodrick humiliates, injures, or just annoys them in every possible way.

Rachel Harris and Steve Zahn are the mom and dad of Greg. Both actors are fine in other things they did. Harris was great in The Hangover and Zahn was funny in one of my favorite films of all time Joy Ride. Zahn seems to get stuck in bad movies like the 2004 adaptation of Speak. It's a great thing we get to see him on screen, hopefully soon he'll be in something way more entertaining.

The characters Chirag (Brar), Holly (List), and Rodrick are where the film shine. Chirag is hilarious in almost every scene he is in, but the scenes with him don't last nearly as long as I would've liked. We even get the unnecessary "poop" joke at Church which is unnecessary. And much like the first film a few scenes (like the ones with Fregley and the Church) I put my head in my hand because it was almost embarrassing to be seen in the same room this movie was showing.

Yes, the film shows how Middle School can be a drag for some kids, especially if you're not popular or you don't fit in. Middle School is also that awkward period where you're still a kid, but you're a young adult as well. I struggled a lot through Middle School because I was socially awkward and had a big mouth which more often than not got me in trouble. No movie is going to pin-point relate to you, but Middle School is nowhere near as bad as this kid makes it out to be. It sucks, but not this hard.

Plus, it doesn't help when you are a seventh grader and are a complete jerk to your only friend. In a way, this kid sort of brings it on himself.

For what it's worth, Rodrick Rules is a tiny bit more mature than it's predecessor, but in the long run it's just not at all funny. We can see Greg is getting more interested in girls, only to be dragged down by his childish friend Rowley. It's a shame Wimpy Kid gets such a poor adaptation on screen. I feel I've lost a bit of respect for the books because I watch the films. Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a witty book series, but a shameful blend of distaste and childish humor when it comes to seeing it on a big screen.

Starring: Zachary Gordon, Devon Bostick, Rachael Harris, Robert Capron, Peyton R. List, Karan Brar, and Steve Zahn. Directed by: David Bowers.

[StevePulaski]

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012)
Directed by: David Bowers

Rowley and Greg return for the third installment of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Rating: ★½

At the end of my review for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, the predecessor to this film, I optimistically stated, "Rodrick Rules is a tiny bit more mature than its predecessor, but in the long run it's just not at all funny." The makers of Dog Days clearly listened to the second part of that sentence and overlooked the first. This is yet another installment of a series that is still grounded, despite its impression that it has taken off two films ago.

I feel the need to reiterate this fact; I am a faithful fan to the book series Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I have been since it made its debut on the FunBrain website, where you had to scroll through a formal calendar and see what the main character Greg Heffley experienced day-by-day. Then came the novel, with its notebook-paper designed pages, the adolescent handwriting style, and the simplistic doodles at the bottom of each page vividly illustrating the above passage of text. They were keenly written treasures. The films are deplorable.

This one merges two of the series' novels, which were the third book, The Last Straw, and its follow-up, Dog Days, and that is perfectly fine with me. The less of these I have to sit through the better. Our film begins with Greg Heffley (again, reprised by Zachary Gordon) and his family attending a water-park just a day before the last day of school. Greg is held responsible for his youngest brother, Manny, who we see wash his hands with a urinal cake within the first few minutes of the film. We then see a crowded pool of people, some eating pizza and dropping it in the water, and when Manny later invites Greg to play with him in a smaller pool, he informs him that he is peeing in the water as they speak, as well as the other young children. You can see where this is directly headed.

The remainder of the film follows the simple plot of Greg, again, mooching of his best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) into being his guest at a country club. Because his father (Steve Zahn) wants him to lay off the video games, Greg impulsively lies to his parents and says he is currently working there. His older brother Rodrick (Devon Bostick) quickly sees through his lie, and Greg informs that the there are many perks to this country club, including his crush, Holly (Peyton List), who frequents the venue working as a tennis instructor for the young. Rodrick has a crush on Holly's sixteen year old sister (who looks about twenty or twenty-one, but don't they all), so as long as Greg agrees to sneak him in whenever he wants, he won't say anything.

One of the film's many subplots is that on the last day of school, Holly is eagerly signing everyone's yearbook and Greg wants her to sign her phone number in his. He politely asks her, she does so, but is distracted by a swarm of students fleeing school after the final bell and does not write down the final two digits of her number. This is a big problem in the beginning of the film, clearly brewing anger with our main character, but the dozens of attempts he will later get at the country club, he doesn't even ask or pretend to care when she states, "you got my number." Most illogical. And when he does, he is conveniently interrupted by someone else, mainly her older sister.

This film also furthers the use of gross out gags and idiocy to the point of maddening disgust. Scenes involving boogers (which are down there with the worst possible kind), involving a dog slobbering all over a pot roast and the family later consuming it, and a scene where Greg's swim trunks, in a series of implausible events, get stuck on the diving board as he helplessly stays like a wounded soldier in the pool, swimming away from any and everyone take the stage in what the film hopes will generate laughs.

Another thing Dog Days can't help but continue to do is further our already looming dislike for Greg and his overly snotty personality. The character in the novels was no model child, but he seemed far more sympathetic and likable than what the movies make him out to be; a stuck up, lying, insubordinate rat. Here's a character who disregards almost everything his parents say, lies to them nonetheless, hopelessly uses his best friend who is too dense to notice it, and continues to make the people around him feel inferior so he can one day, as we heard in the original film, "be the king of the world." But these characteristics will still not overshadow the corny, trite ending we will inevitably be provided with, with a message so deep and profound that you will begin to recall how many films it has already been told in. And don't get me started on the incredibly phoned-in, last minute idea of parent/child disconnect. This film is unworthy of touching on such a subject.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days is labored and, much like its main character, unbearable to tolerate or enjoy, despite its short runtime. It is populated by jokes that do nothing but lower young kids' attention spans to dwindling proportions, so they can later grow up to feed on "the next big thing" and, instead of challenging themselves intellectually, continue to stay sheltered inside their comfort zone of familiarity. Much like its predecessors, the film does nothing but continue to lampoon a book franchise's well-deserved reputation into a black sea of shame. But unlike its predecessors, I can at least complement it for undermining the unnecessary and disturbing character of Fregly.

Starring: Zachary Gordon, Robert Capron, Devon Bostick, Rachel Harris, Steve Zahn, Peyton List, and Karan Brar. Directed by: David Bowers.

[StevePulaski]

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017)
Directed by: David Bowers

The Heffley's go on a road trip in Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul.

Rating: ★★

Like adjusting old box office records for inflation, or grading an assignment on the Bell Curve, my two-star rating for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul feels like a four-star rating following the three previous installments in this mostly repugnant film franchise. Adapted from a series of novels by Jeff Kinney, which I fondly recall brewing from a recurring, daily web-comic on the educational website FunBrain, the Diary of a Wimpy Kid film series has been an atrocious misstep since it began back in 2010.

I've come to the conclusion that the kind of sight-gags, visual humor, and awkward situations that ran rampant in the book series (which is set to be up to number twelve come November) do not translate well at all to film. Seeing cartoon drawings you could believe a sixth grader doodled in his notebook during a boring lecture on exponents was a lot more engaging and imaginative than seeing the actions depicted being played out by actors doing nothing more than embarrassing themselves with bad writing and an abundance of silliness.

But The Long Haul is the best of this dreadful series so far, and I think it has something to do with it being a road-trip film. Rather than seeing the adventures of Greg Heffley in school, surrounded by overly dramatized middle school cliches like Chirag Gupta and Fregley, we see Greg largely confined to his family, at the awkward age of loving them except not wanting to be seen with them in public. Even minimized in his usual supporting role is Greg's best friend Rowley, so that just leaves his little brother Manny and his older brother Rodrick to fill in as the supporting players.

Another change is the cast, as Zachary Gordon and Devon Bostick have outgrown their characters (something Wimpy Kid fans don't seem to understand given the massive amount of dislikes the film's trailer has on Youtube) and have been replaced with Jason Drucker and Charlie Wright, respectively. Drucker is more or less interchangeable to Gordon in appearance and vocal-tone. Wright is, however, not the least bit similar and a largely obnoxious personality. Also sprinkled in is Alicia Silverstone as Greg's mother (who rivals Rachael Harris from the original trilogy in being sporadically funny), while Tom Everett Scott replaces Steve Zahn as Greg's father. A change in cast isn't ideal this late in the game, but even with budgets for films rising to exorbitant millions (this film cost over $20 million to make), it's still not enough to afford or invent a Fountain of Youth.

As stated, Greg, Rodrick, Manny (Dylan and Wyatt Walters), mom, and dad all embark on a cross-country adventure to Indiana to celebrate their "Memaw"'s 90th birthday party. After mom institutes a ban on technology in the car, the kids and parents are forced to try to make it through the entire trip without using their phones. Greg, however, plans to try and make it to a comic book convention to meet Mac Digby (Joshua Hoover), an overgrown man-child who makes a living playing video-games. Once he gets Rodrick in on the plan, he has an ally who is normally known for making his life a living hell.

Much of the film revolves around the perils of this disastrous, hastily planned vacation. Manny winds up winning a pig at a county fair that causes grief for the family the entire way to Meemaw's, Greg angers a violent, bearded father who seemingly goes everywhere they go, and at one point, Meemaw's gift - a photo album - gets stolen after all of the Heffley's clothes and toiletries are scattered alongside the road.

Commonplace tropes found in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise are still present, such as projectile vomiting, a wretched amount of bathroom humor, and a great deal of sight-gags that do little besides please those who are Manny's age or younger. Thankfully, one doesn't need to witness such horribly unfunny sequences involving "the cheese touch" or Rowley's cluelessness, so whatever we get in The Long Haul doesn't feel nearly as dreadful as what we've already witnessed.

After bashing what I guess we can now bill as the "original trilogy" of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, I admit that unlike the previous films, The Long Haul finds itself to be a mostly tolerable excursion, save for some predictable idiocy. The biggest problem with the films of this franchise has been the way they bask in immaturity, but this film at least gives some sort of acknowledgement to the current age and emotions of Greg. The tone-deafness of the original films about a kid who is not necessarily an outcast, but a plain, ordinary soul is somewhat improved here for a film that could aptly be compared to being bumped into rather than being directly kicked or assaulted in terms of pain levels.

NOTE: My video review of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul:

Starring: Jason Drucker, Charlie Wright, Alicia Silverstone, Tom Everett Scott, Owen Asztalos, Dylan Walters, and Wyatt Walters. Directed by: David Bowers.