Post by StevePulaski on Jun 13, 2013 22:05:20 GMT -5
Rating: ★
It's depressing to think that there are starving artists in the world that can't even get people to watch their work that they've spent day and night on. It's depressing to think artists who are lucky enough to get their film distributed in theaters may have several showings completely empty and unattended. It's, however, even more depressing to think that Luke Greenfield's The Animal, a comedy starring Rob Schneider as a policeman who gets organ transplants from animal donors, grossed over $80 million its theatrical run. Every aspiring filmmaker who has struggled dearly to breed creativity and life back into a medium dominated by idiocy and remakes should feel insulted.
This is a hopelessly unfunny movie from the get-go. The premise is not cute, amusing, or mildly intriguing. It's a new low in comedy standards, which is somewhat unsurprising seeing as it's a Happy Madison production, the company owned by Adam Sandler. Sandler shouldn't be completely exempted from the blame, as much larger blame lies in Schneider himself. Schneider is simply not that funny of a screen presence. He lacks wit and sophistication, and often becomes unwatchably goofy (this comes from the same guy who likes the work of the late Chris Farley), to the point where functionality is just unforeseeable.
Schneider plays Marvin Mange, a genial, but uncoordinated secretary at a police-station. Marvin desperately wants to live up to his father's legacy by becoming a police officer, but his incompetence and complete ineptitude always gets the best of him. After a horrific car accident, Marvin needs several organ transplants, which come from animal donors and are "installed" by a mad scientist (Michael Caton). Marvin now inherits the traits and behavior of his donors, which include a variety of feral behaviors I hated to endure and will spare you the misfortune of hearing.
My question, who is laughing at all this? I see theaters of angry patrons frozen with cold silence. Who finds a grown man sniffing butts, running around uncontrollably, squawking like a bird, and acting like a nut funny and amusing? The film is rated PG-13, which is very surprising, seeing as seven year olds are too old for this lame, uninspired schtick. You wouldn't give anyone under thirteen Pixie Sticks, Kool-Aid, Pepsi, and a Super-Soaker all at the same time? Why would you give them the equivalent of unhealthy binging in seeing The Animal?
Comedies that promote ambition and reward disappointment are some of the worst kinds. Comedies that promote relatively nothing and deliver on the same level, or sometimes worse, are the worst kinds. I hold the opinion that most ideas could be made into a good movie, if catered to their primary features, but I fail to see even comedy greats like the Marx Brothers, Charlie Chaplin, or the Three Stooges pulling off something of this magnitude to likable heights. This is one of the most appallingly unfunny films I've ever seen.
Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell, and Michael Caton. Directed by: Luke Greenfield.
It's depressing to think that there are starving artists in the world that can't even get people to watch their work that they've spent day and night on. It's depressing to think artists who are lucky enough to get their film distributed in theaters may have several showings completely empty and unattended. It's, however, even more depressing to think that Luke Greenfield's The Animal, a comedy starring Rob Schneider as a policeman who gets organ transplants from animal donors, grossed over $80 million its theatrical run. Every aspiring filmmaker who has struggled dearly to breed creativity and life back into a medium dominated by idiocy and remakes should feel insulted.
This is a hopelessly unfunny movie from the get-go. The premise is not cute, amusing, or mildly intriguing. It's a new low in comedy standards, which is somewhat unsurprising seeing as it's a Happy Madison production, the company owned by Adam Sandler. Sandler shouldn't be completely exempted from the blame, as much larger blame lies in Schneider himself. Schneider is simply not that funny of a screen presence. He lacks wit and sophistication, and often becomes unwatchably goofy (this comes from the same guy who likes the work of the late Chris Farley), to the point where functionality is just unforeseeable.
Schneider plays Marvin Mange, a genial, but uncoordinated secretary at a police-station. Marvin desperately wants to live up to his father's legacy by becoming a police officer, but his incompetence and complete ineptitude always gets the best of him. After a horrific car accident, Marvin needs several organ transplants, which come from animal donors and are "installed" by a mad scientist (Michael Caton). Marvin now inherits the traits and behavior of his donors, which include a variety of feral behaviors I hated to endure and will spare you the misfortune of hearing.
My question, who is laughing at all this? I see theaters of angry patrons frozen with cold silence. Who finds a grown man sniffing butts, running around uncontrollably, squawking like a bird, and acting like a nut funny and amusing? The film is rated PG-13, which is very surprising, seeing as seven year olds are too old for this lame, uninspired schtick. You wouldn't give anyone under thirteen Pixie Sticks, Kool-Aid, Pepsi, and a Super-Soaker all at the same time? Why would you give them the equivalent of unhealthy binging in seeing The Animal?
Comedies that promote ambition and reward disappointment are some of the worst kinds. Comedies that promote relatively nothing and deliver on the same level, or sometimes worse, are the worst kinds. I hold the opinion that most ideas could be made into a good movie, if catered to their primary features, but I fail to see even comedy greats like the Marx Brothers, Charlie Chaplin, or the Three Stooges pulling off something of this magnitude to likable heights. This is one of the most appallingly unfunny films I've ever seen.
Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell, and Michael Caton. Directed by: Luke Greenfield.